An Ode to Ozymandias 🙌

Today marks the five year anniversary of the best television episode I have ever witnessed: Breaking Bad’'s Ozymandias.

Note: I typically use a couplet, or if I’m feeling really inspired, an alternate rhyme scheme for my stanzas. Given the intensity of the episode, I decided to use (mostly) monorhyme to mimic the pulsating heartbeat I had while watching it.

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Season 5B was Breaking Bad’s absolute apex.

Of this batch, the magnum opus? Ozymandias.

It tied many plot points together, it was seamless:

The opening scene’s pilot flashback was ingenious,

Hank’s final scene was legendary, it left me speechless,

Walt’s confession to Jesse about Jane was the meanest.

Marie’s talk at the car wash left me feeling depressed.

Walt’s barrel roll had me rolling: a needed recess!

The White family knife fight was viscerally grievous,

Walt’s motto of “We’re a family” never did mean less.

There was so much destruction, it was almost fiendish:

Seeing Jesse in captivity made me squeamish,

Walt’s call with Skyler—Heisenberg’s a goddamn genius.

It was so incredibly intense, it made me breathe less!

A perfect hour of television—simply the best!

Always Late w/ Katie Nolan

True to its title, Always Late w/ Katie Nolan (Always Late) premiered well, late, almost two hours after its scheduled start time of 9pm on Wednesday, September 5th on ESPN+. I woke up in the middle of the night, noticed the show finally posted and remarked to Nolan that as much as I was wanted to watch the show in my state of sleep deprivation, it deserved my full attention. She then replied that she’d like to hear my thoughts on it, so here we are.

Before I even clicked play, the first thing that caught my attention was the show’s runtime. Clocking in at 32 minutes, Always Late falls squarely between the standard runtimes of 20 and 40 minutes for half-hour and hour-long shows. It is good to see that Always Late is taking full advantage of its digital platform on ESPN+ and is unburdened by traditional television norms.


Monologue

Always Late started off with a strong monologue, with an array of jokes that covered all the major active professional and collegiate sports leagues. The plethora of punchlines incorporated references from pop culture, politics as well as some of the not-safe-for work variety, which were delivered with Nolan’s trademark snark and humour.

However, I was hoping for a grander introduction considering it was the show’s debut episode. Furthermore, a common criticism of late night television shows is that they sometimes seem too similar, so opening with a less traditional segment might have been beneficial. As such, if Always Late really wanted to start off with a news-oriented piece, I believe that the Emotional Pie Charts segment would have been a better and more memorable choice.


Main Story (Legalized Sports Gambling)

Always Late employed excellent use of misdirection here, as what seemingly started off as an NFL piece pivoted into a deep dive on the state of legalized sports gambling in the US. They did a great job of keeping the material light by impeccably integrating relevant videos and an abundance of amusing lines (I could make a Top 10 list of best jokes from this segment alone!). I actually learned a lot from this piece, with the main takeaway being that legalized sports gambling is about as clear as the NFL’s Catch Rule. 


For the Record with Victor Cruz
  

This segment was smartly constructed even though it was primarily a physical comedy showcase. The record they were aiming for, putting 32 t-shirts on another person within a minute, coincided with the number of NFL teams (which was also debuting this week). Additionally, Nolan cleverly counted down by shouting “thirty-two, one” in place of the traditional “three-two-one”. 

Nolan seemed the most comfortable here out of all the segments. Instead of reading from a teleprompter, she was allowed to read and play off of the situation, enabling her extraordinary effervescence to take centre stage.

My only gripe was the subpar sound – it was not as clear as the rest of the episode and had an echo to it. Despite this, the endearing segment still surpassed expectations.


Emotional Pie Charts

Essentially a more detailed and personalized monologue, this segment brought greater nuance to the news. It provided a platform for Nolan to showcase several sharp and funny perspectives per topic, rather than the standard singular punchline in monologues, thus delivering much more depth. To make this segment more resonant with the younger demographic, Always Late could pair each emotion with an emoji/gif/meme.


Chicken Fingers in Soda

Unlike those chicken fingers, this piece felt undercooked. Although I understand the main purpose of the segment was to re-enact Greenfield's viral moment from the US Open, as a food critic I was hoping they would delve into some discourse on the soda-soaked chicken.

It was also the only piece that felt rushed, which was attributable to the segment’s shortness and the fact that they didn’t really seem to treat Greenfield like a guest (they made her stand the whole time!). However, the segment was almost saved entirely by the uproarious caption that they used to introduce Greenfield (screenshot above). 


Good Athletes, Bad Actors

As its title suggests, it was an entertaining compilation of cringe-worthy acting from athletes in various commercials. This short clip served its purpose as a transitional piece between main segments.


NBA 2K19 Launch Party

Always Late definitely saved its funniest bit for last – this prank was a certified riot! This side-splitting segment was studded with star power, as it featured numerous current and former NBA players. They passed their trash talk to Nolan, who gamely kept her composure while relaying the belly-aching barbs to the gamers and celebrities in attendance. Photos on Twitter seemed to suggest that there was unused material from this event, so here’s hoping for another instalment, even if it’s just in the form of outtakes.


Final Thoughts

Although I had a few minor quibbles, the debut of Always Late was enjoyable overall. Nolan’s thank you to the audience also best represents my thoughts about the show: “It’s so cool that you’re here, it makes me happy!”


(Screenshots captured via ESPN+ Stream and YouTube)